A Tip About Tipping

Because when I order a coffee I make extra noise to make sure the cashier knows I gave her a tip. Otherwise, it's like you never gave one. It could be your most generous day. Maybe you got a raise or maybe you got paid this time for sucking off your boss in the bathroom stall- who knows.

But even if you decide to give that cute server a 20 dollar tip, she's not going to know you left one if she can't hear it while she's making your latte. Maybe you walk away from the counter too soon and because she thinks you're a cheapskate she does you the service of spitting in your drink and/or leaves a floating pube for you to hack a lung on- who knows.

Suddenly that $3.25 latte costs $17.00 dollars extra and all you got out of it was a mild case of herpes from both your boss and the server. So go ahead, make a scandal, tip over the Josh Groban CD display, kick the register over, make it sound like World War III! You have a mission and that's to have your tip acknowledged. When all else fails, just announce the tip: "I am inserting 2 dollar bill into your tip jar, ma'am. Observe." Trust me, it'll save you a walnut-sized sore on your lip.