And Now For Something "Special"

Because there are some lyrics out there that give me a hernia. I know, it's hard to believe that some of our favorite musicians just have no idea what it is that they are talking about. It's as if there were some random lyric generator out there where all you have to do is pee in one of its compartments and voile!

Here are some gorgeous examples by the hip-hop group we all love, Outkast:

"Time and time again see I be thinking about that future
Back in the day when we slaves up everyone's a cool ass nigga"

First, let's talk about their conception of time. The future, as far as I know, refers to something ahead of us that hasn't happened. Yet, to illustrate this unforeseen "future" the rapper refers to "back in the day." Also, "when we slaves up everyone's a cool ass nigga"? What does that even mean? Does it mean that slaves were up a cool nigga's ass? Seems a bit uncommon, but I guess it's still possible if he's talking about dude on dude (or dude IN dude) butt-sex. 

"But now we vultures, slam my nigga back out
To make his ass black out, or even pull your fuking head
To make his whole crew believers, you're harder than a bitch full of dicks

Again with the butt sex. For some reasons they (I guess the slaves) are vultures now. I'm not sure why or how, but I guess they are. "Slam my nigga back out to make his ass black out"? I wonder if this just means pulling out after great sex. "You're harder than a bitch full of dicks." Wow, no comment necessary there.

"But that don't be sounding like he's shit to me
See now in the ghetto or should I say Lakewood

Who's this "he"? Is it the "cool ass nigga" they seem to be referring to. Poor dude, he's just like minding his own business and stuff.

"You better be strapped cuz them niggaz over there just ain't good
Just being a hustla, serving on all your customers
Rent was due on the 1st of the month so I'm hustling
I buy you 50 box of Phillies at the Citgo

And niggaz be wanting drinks and shit from the fuking sto', yo"
 That's true. That's true.

"But that's aight, tho', cuz I be getting paid"

Wait, but didn't he say he was broke and had to pay rent?

"And every trip I take, there's a dollar to be made
I'm digging through my pockets for my earnings got you five
Deep, there it is, now it's time to smoke that jive"

I'm lost.

* * *

Here's another quick excerpt from these geniuses:

"My heat is in the trunk along with that quad knock
No my heart don't pump no koolaid
... and you'll get you spray
Hooray yo block the one and only Outkast"

What's a quad knock? Oh, it's just something he made up to make it rhyme. His heart don't pump no koolaid (which means that it does) and speaking of koolaid, apparently, "you'll get you spray". Um...huh? With what? How? Not past tense or anything? Does it mean that you'll buy yourself a hairspray bottle like Aquanet or something? "Hooray yo block." These are starting to sound like the rantings of hip-hop schizophrenics.

It's like putting James Joyce's Ulysses in a blender, adding a dirty diaper and some soy sauce then pouring it all in your ear after blending...or something like that. I mean, even Bone Thugs' lyrics make sense, despite the fact that they speak Esperanto and you can only understand about 3 words per album. Don't get me wrong, I listen to Outkast's music about once a year. They're not ALL bad. It's just that, well, random generator.

UPDATE!!!!

Just found out what a "quad knock" is. It's a fourth nipple that produces a purple fluid of heavy viscosity during the full moon. Except, that's not true at all. Quad Knock refers to the "Quad City Knocks" the Southern Rap group that sang "Whoop, there it is!" We all know that song. Funny, Wikipedia has the song down as "WOOT there it is!" I'm going to have to disagree. I refuse to believe that anything 'Woot' is not ridiculous. Anyway, it's nice to see that Outkast were actually referring to something real and weren't just off their meds. I was wrong............but it's still a a dumb lyric.


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