Things You Might NOT Want to Snort

Talcum Powder

(good for babies and balls. bad for nose holes.) 

Kosher Salt

(unless you are a BLT sandwich, I'd suggest steering clear from 
this experience. just think 'slug') 

 
Lemon Juice

(basically, anything referred to as 'acidic' might not 
be a fan of your nose) 

Razor Blades

(probably not a good idea. if you can use it to shank a 
prison guard and self-die in a large bathtub perhaps it 
should not be in your nose. fact?) 

Chicken Noodle Soup

(i know the slimy texture SEEMS appealing, but the whole 
boiling-hot-factor should be enough to deter you from snorting. 
unless you have a soda on the side. yeah, vague reference.) 

Raw Egg

(just because rocky drank one does not mean that 
inhaling a raw egg will help. first of all, he's rocky. 
second, it's an egg and it's raw and it was almost a chicken. 
just don't.) 

 
Xantham Gum

(the word 'gum' doesn't make it friendly. plus, 'xantham' sounds 
like medication for bloated women or some demigod in scientology.) 

Pop Rocks

(only snort if accompanied by scott joplin music in the background.) 

Fists

(actually, do snort a fist. the experience would be too 
priceless to pass up, but mostly for spectators. 
in fact, ONLY for spectators.) 

 Screws

(you use them to mount books shelves and bunk beds.) 

Quarters

(it might be useful to keep these in your pocket 
in the event that you may need to make a phone call.) 

Fire

(fire is hot.)

 
Sulfuric Acid

(again, the whole acid thing. might not work to 
your advantage. unless you want an extra set of nostrils.) 

Cyanide

(no comment.) 

A live wire

(you might end up like the guy from lawnmower man, 
forever doomed to watch other people surf the internet.) 

Bleach

(think death.)

Children

(why snort when you can eat! dinner!) 

In closing, be nice to your nose because it helps you smell things. It's not always going to be there. 

Also, thanks to N and R for the wonderful suggestions. See you next time!

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