10 Reasons Why You Should Love Justin Bieber

(The new Boy Wonder. What a hunk!)

10. He's beautiful. He reminds you of a strawberry-scented sunset. You can smell it and feel its rays, but it's too resplendent to look at directly. So when you look at Justin Bieber, make sure to wear dark sunglasses.

9. He needs your support because he has no forehead. Those bangs are just a cover for the sadly concave upper portion of his face. Some people are simply not fortunate enough to be blessed with foreheads at birth, so we must be there for them.

8. He's the first transgender teen pop-star. If you really think about it, the fact that he's so immensely popular is super-progressive in a country like ours. I suppose he's just to super-sweet to be heckled. I guess it's true that he's taking the world by storm.

7. His politics are super informed and sophisticated. He once said in an interview that he doesn't care about that stuff, which is code for I'm a Conservative Republican with rich liberal leanings. I wouldn't be surprised if at the age of 18, he became the first teenage President. Then Inaugurations would be fun and full of candy-coated rainbows.

  (Justin Bieber skateboards, too?!)

6. He's gentle like a cloud, which is more than I can say for you macho types who drink straight petroleum and wrestle sharks. Justin Bieber is sensitive to a lady's needs and this is why he's so successful. So don't hate.

5. He's from Canada, so he has health insurance. People with health insurance are way better than people without it. And if you have MassHealth, or any of its other unfortunate permutations, you know that you are inferior to the healthy young lad that is Justin Bieber.

4. He can melt you by simply pointing his finger at you. Justin Bieber has mastered the pop-star pointing technique. That's when an international pop icon simply raises his hand and points directly at you while squinting an evocative gaze. If he manages to bite his lip while doing so, you know you're in the zone!

(Prepare to be puddles, ladies...and gents, as well.)

3. Justin Bieber's favorite color is purple. Need I say more?

2. Justin Bieber is left-handed, which means that he's no stranger to ink smudges (that's a profound metaphor, people). And it also means that his writing hand hurts a lot when he uses regular notebooks, what with the prejudiced engineering of aluminum notebook bindings and all. In other words, he knows what it is to feel pain, which means that he can elevate you.

1. His voice is changing, but that won't stop him. Justin Bieber laughs in the face of puberty. In fact, since he's a transgender pop icon, he's going through several layers of puberty at once which should tell you something about how insidiously amazing he is!

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In short, Justin Bieber cares about you. So LOVE Justin Bieber, because he has the power to change you, to illuminate you, and make you 10 times sexier than you already are. Fact.

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